I feel like there are so many negative stereotypes and ideas about self-injury that those who deal with it are shamed into silence, lest they face the ridicule and disdain of their peers. What I mean is, that when someone is a self-injurer, he or she is no longer his-/herself, but rather a set of stereotypes that can't be escaped. Self-injurers are "emo" kids who simply whine and wear black makeup and are anti-social and suicidal, and yet only want attention as they post dark photos and write poem after poem about how no one likes them and how pretty their blood is. The fact that there are sites like "gocryemokid" on memebase.com that plays on these negative stereotypes just proves what the general image of "emo" kids are.
But this isn't about "emo" kids. This is about self-injurers, who are people from all walks of life, with all different kinds of personalities and all different kinds of problems. There's more to self-injury than just cutting (what I mean is there are other forms of SI), and more to it than just causing physical pain. I firmly believe that all forms of self-injury stem from disorders because it doesn't make sense to me otherwise. I don't understand why someone would want to hurt himself without it being some sort of disorder, and certainly self-injury makes life disorderly. Many might be crying out now that they bring the disorder upon themselves, but really and truly, it's not about attention grabbing. I don't know of a single self-injurer who would ask for this or wish it upon anyone else and indeed many wish they could stop themselves. But it takes up the language of addictions where there are periods of recovery, being clean and relapse. It's not a gimick, and it's not a ruse. These are real struggles.
And yet there's still the stigma, as if those problems don't exist and only the stereotype is real. People don't seem to want to look past the images that have been put out there about self-injurers and see the people behind them. Instead, there's a shamed silence and a feeling of isolation because to self-injure is to be some sick and twisted individual. It's all negative. Rather than showing support and trying to help, it's easier to mock and berate.
To ask a non-self-injurer to understand might be a stretch, because for all I say that we should try and understand each other, sometimes we just can't. For instance, I personally don't understand how someone could be a cutter. The idea just makes me cringe from the imagined pain because all I can think about is when I get papercuts and how much those hurt. I can only imagine how much worse cutting would be. But even though I can't understand the desire to cut, I can sympathize. What I can understand is the need for an outlet and even for a sense of control, even if I don't understand the outlet chosen.
What I think I'm trying to get at with this jumbled mess of ideas and borderline rambling is that we should take the time to look past the disorder and to the person. Like I said, it could be anyone. It could be your best friend, who otherwise seems perfectly "fine" and "normal," but is really struggling with this in silence. It could be your boyfriend, because, yes, males self-injure, too. It could be your mother, a co-worker, or someone you wouldn't expect. Self-injury isn't just some teenage phase with a hoard of youngsters whining about their lives that seem relatively easy from the outside world. You can just never know for sure who is suffering and why or even to what extent. And yet I have a feeling that many who self-injure wish they could just come forward and be honest and open about it, and ultimately ask for your love and support.
Rather than judging and apply stigma, let us instead be supportive, loving and willing to help. The fear of losing those around you because of something that is so shamed is hard to deal with, and I think that's why many keep silent, too. There's so much negativity surrounding self-injury that there's a sense of inevitability that of course everyone will judge and abandon because of it, so it's better to shut up. But if we open up dialogue and make it okay to need help and okay to share these kinds of things, I think the stigma will disappear and the shame with it.
Somehow, I feel like I haven't done this topic justice and that this entry is sporadic. It's just such a complicated matter though, especially without going into details and proving a personal story as I usually do, but in this instance I am going to refrain. Have I know self-injurers? Yes. But in this case, because of the very stigma that I am talking about, I don't feel comfortable providing a personal account of anything or anyone. Maybe someday, but not now.
For now, going to wear lots of orange, post this entry and spread the love.
<3
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